Thoughts before sleep – March 10 2016

Sleeping pills are odd, sometimes they do exactly what you want – keeping you asleep until you rise naturally feeling rested. But sometimes they fuck up your entire next day. I woke up, dragged my butt out of bed to get to a doctors appointment but was still half asleep in his office. I went back to my apartment after that to get some food before class, and as I sat on my couch not a thought passed through my brain.

I made it to class five minutes late and barely spoke once on a film and reading I had already done because I was so foggy.

Then I went to work and couldn’t put words together in a sensible way when I needed to.

My day kept going, and I kept being slow and foggy and my anxiety kept rising as my abilities continued to fall beneath my usual standards.

I tried to help a friend with a paper and do that paper myself but felt more hampering than helpful as I wasted the hours with absolutely no ability to be productive.

And then I went out to celebrate a friends birthday, to a bar where the music is so loud that I can’t hear people a foot in front of me leg along carry a conversation.

While I’m on the subject, I don’t understand what people chat about at bars. It seems like the people around me have endless things to say and I feel like I never learned how to get past hi and how was your day. When I’m working I can talk about work and when I’m in school I can talk about school. But I feel like I don’t have a life outside of that. I’m terrified that I’ve developed this depressed and lonely life that I’m incapable of inviting others into because it doesn’t really exist.

Just like what was apparently my only useful personal characteristic prior to today, my ability to think and speak.

So those are my thoughts before sleep. Scary and personal and sad… and hopefully temporary.


The Cord: Breaking the silence on Students’ Union police check policy

Note: I’m going to be re-publishing and linking to my articles from The Cord here. 

Two years is a long time at Wilfrid Laurier University. Two years ago, a Residence Life don was arrested for stealing from students. Following that arrest, all other dons were forced to submit criminal record checks to the department of residence life. I was a don that year, and while after hiring we had all been told that submitting a criminal record check was mandatory, the one that I got from my home police station in Durham sat in my office desk until February when the department realized they hadn’t been properly covering their ass.

Shortly before those events, a Dear Life ran in The Cord about Foot Patrol. “Dear Life, My assailant is on foot patrol [sic]. Well there goes feeling safe on this campus. Sincerely, Dropping Out.” I was also on Foot Patrol at the time — as I still am — and these two events made the end of the 2014 school year one of the most intense I’ve ever experienced.